Sunday, November 29, 2009

Look at Me...I Sparkle

Since I've had some time in the past week or so to begin shopping for Christmas, I keep finding a theme everywhere I go.  People are addicted to this Twilight-shit.  I've never read the books or seen the movies, however, I do know a few people that have.

What I don't understand, is why are people so obsessed with sparkly vampires?  That just sounds gay.  It's like, "I'm a vampire, and I sparkle," if only you could hear me say that in my uber-gay voice.  It's much more effective.

Then we get on to the main theme where some girl falls in love with the sparkly vampire and wants to have sex with him.  Hmm... yes, it's a wonderful thing to teach the youth of the world - we should all encourage each other to screw dead people.  Like OMG, the vampire dude is Sooooooooooooo hot.  Right.  He's hot and sparkly, apparently.  Not to mention how he spends time for a while stalking her and watching her as she sleeps in her room.  That reminds me of a creepy Clay Aiken song (...if I were invisible...I'd watch you in your room).

And after about 20 pages (or 10 minutes worth of movie time), you would think there's something better to do than just keep looking into each other's eyes.  And then I hear about the birth of some mutant weird half vampire, half thing that snaps the girl's spine thing (which also begs the question... how the hell does a dead dude get a girl pregnant?)... and some other weird vampire dude suddenly falls in love with it?  Ok, so the themes we're working with here are sexual orientation confusion, nechrophilia, and being a pedophile.  How is this a good book/series again?  Screwing dead people and babies is just not right.

So everywhere I go, this crap is all around me.  In the stores, there's Twilight everything.  Even fricking birthday cards.  On my homepage with latest news stories, it's "New Moon Tops Box Office."  At work, people talking about this crap.  All I will ever contribute to the whole Twilight talk is my uber-gay sounding, "I'm sparkly."


Cathy said...

argh...I'm so with you. I refuse to read the books no matter how many times I hear "but they're really good". Right. Teenage vampire love, sounds "really good".

I did say "I"m a vampire and I sparkle" in a gay voice just to get the full effect. Totally gay.

mepsipax said...

I could not agree with you more. So. Fucking. Gay. Vampires don't sparkle. Are you serious. I beat up people who mention Twilight. Except people making fun of it of course.